exxos-von-steamboldt: English needs more non-pulmonic consonants.
Me: Challenge accepted!
Let’s start with ejectives. I’ve noticed people hypercorrecting intervocalic voicing and devoicing all voiced stops (dim> /tɪm/ and spider > /spaɪtɚ/ ) how then to disambiguate voiceless stops (and prevent the fusion of “Tim” and “dim”)? Ejectives! Dim > /tɪm/ and Tim > /tʼɪm/ Bam! Next!
Implosives! When excited, we take a sharp in-drawn breath. What if that breath was influenced by the onset of the word we’re preparing to say? So the d in the “daaaamn” of shock and awe becomes implosive (/ɗæ:m/) and the k in “cool” > /ɠu:l/. Soon, an initial implosive stop becomes generalized as a sign for a whole slew of pragmatic particles indicating surprise which in turn are grammaticallized into an augmentative prefix (ɓ-, ɗ-, or ɠ- depending on base word).
And clicks…uh…“tsk” gets grammaticallized as a “suffering voice” prefix on verbs?
ɓad news, t’eam. Those itiotic ɓastards at ɠomcast ǀraised their p’rices akain.