Humans are not adorable

Something I feel would fit comfortably into the New Frontiers universe:


Pft! Please. The alien who wrote that is obviously an fan-grub who has only seen pictures of humans on the ansible.

Those of us who actually work with the squishy bastards can tell you:

1. They can’t stand more than a few Gs of acceleration. And turning up the air pressure just makes them act ridiculous.

2. They’re MOODY

3. That water thing? It’s not so cute when they want a bath and you’re all in free fall and you’re like ???!

4. Snoring. Why even evolve that?

5. Uh. Don’t ask them about the nest sharing thing.

6. Music! Like. All the time or they get sad. I can’t stand it any more! Their favorite audio enrichment is right at the frequency that vibrates my eyeballs.

Look I’m not going to go through all of these points one by one. You kids have uniac. You can look it up.

Contact with humans is hard, messy, disgusting, and sometimes dangerous. But for those of us who do this for a living, there is something that makes it all worth it.
They’re DELICIOUS. Am I right, grubs?

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