You may not be aware of this, but the hilarious Tex Thompson has an even more hilarious alter-ego named Perilous Pauline, a rootin-tootin agony aunt who delivers folksy sarcasm to fictional characters. I (in the voice of Andrea, the main character of Tyrannosaur Queen) sent Pauline a call for help, and this is how she responded:
Okay. Here’s the thing. I’m a soldier from the mid-twenty-first century. Yes, I know that means I’m out of a job. No, I don’t want to talk about it. What’s important is that my current job, body-guarding scientists on trips back in time, has taken a turn for the fucked up.
Wait, wait. Let’s review. You’ve been sent back in time, taken prisoner and forcibly married to a homicidal Neanderthal, and your biggest problem is that he’s gay?