Hilarious gender-specific sci-fi

 

If you’re a boy, I think you’ll be awesomely blown away by my story idea: Burly Space Pirates Plunder the Seductronians Yet Again (by Rodger Bearman)

“Captain, we’re receiving a transmission from the planet Seductron IX.”
“By the moons of Neptune, not another paternity suit!”

Those poor Seductronians’ interests won’t be served by surrendering to the lusty embrace of Captain Thrustarr, however much fun it might seem at the time.

If you’re a girl, you should tenderly squeal at The Embrace of the Nurturing Warrior (by Laurabell Willowing)

Mbarr looked down at her, lavender sunlight scintillating off his iridescent eyes. Muscles moved under his tunic as he brought a paw up to Lucy’s face.
“Star of my Heart,” he rumbled, delicate fingers extended from their powerful claw-sheaths to stroke her jaw. “You are aware of the depths of my feeling for you?”
Lucy swallowed. “I am.”
And you know of the Nparth Ritual? The cataclysmic sundering of my soul jewel can only happen once. and only one female may carry my heartshard lest I die.
“Oh, Mbarr,” she said. “I will guard your heartshard with every breath I take.”
“Excuse me?” He said, “You? Wow. Look, I’m sorry, but Star, but you don’t even have an ovipositor.”

Can two souls find each other, even if tab A doesn’t fit into slot B?
~~~

See what’s in store for you if I can’t make a living with my current projects? Only with your support can we make sure that I don’t write the stories above.

Naw, I’m just joshing. This post is a pre-response to my buddy Melissa’s blog post, which you can find here if you want a more nuanced version of the social critique I made with sex-jokes.

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